2-8-10 Shoulda Told Me #6

For those of you that are new to this blog, I should explain that periodically I will take a side trip down what I call the “someone shoulda told me” bunny trail. This is my way of explaining those little lessons that I often learned the hard way or from observations of others’ behaviors as I was going through my career.

In today’s installment, I want to explore an important relationship at work. And no, I don’t mean your relationship with your boss -- altho’ that is VERY important. No, I’m talking about the relationship you have with (usually) one person -- the person that listens to everything you have to say. I’m talking about your “sounding board”. Someone shoulda told me that every executive needs a sounding board.

Why? Well for one reason, there will definitely be times that you need someone to vent to. You are going to disagree with policies. You will be upset with co-workers, subordinates, or bosses. You will just need to rant --- and get it out of your system. For another reason, you will periodically need a dose of reality. You need someone that can tell you when you are being unrealistic or even an idiot.

Who should it be? Well obviously, it must be someone that you can implicitly trust to hold your conversations in strict confidence. It should also be someone that is a very good listener, while at the same time, someone who can get through your rant to the gist of the issue --- and point it out to you. It should be someone that understands your situation, your company, and your co-workers.

There can be issues related to any person that you choose for this roll. (And make no mistake, YOU should choose your sounding board -- with careful thought. Don’t just fall into this relationship.) For some, that person is a spouse. In fact, that is probably true for all of us. But the problem here is that your spouse often doesn’t really understand the nuances of the organization simply because he/she doesn’t work in the organization.

For some, it is a work peer. Someone in a different organization, and someone that is on the same level as the executive. The issue here is that someday, one of you could be promoted or moved such that there is a day-to-day working relationship. Think about how much baggage you would both be bringing along from those past conversations!

And of course, your sounding board could also be someone outside of your organization, but still in the industry. Again, the issue is that this person wouldn’t necessarily understand the intricacies of your organization.

I was lucky enough to have an executive coach --- who also became a friend --- as my sounding board. Even though she was a company-paid employee, I trusted her implicitly. I could share any information with her and know that it stayed in the room with us. And most important to me, I knew she would give me the figurative “slap upside the head” when I was being an idiot or expecting the impossible. She made me stop and think. And finally, she always gave me sage advice….. Advice that fit with my situation, my company, and my abilities. Can’t ask for much more than that.

So how do you find a sounding board? I would suggest that you look first in your HR organization. Do they have an executive coaching program? If so, sign up. You might have to talk to several potential coaches before you find “the one”. And if they don’t offer a specific program, oftentimes you will find a few HR reps that have some training in this area. Talk to them. Ask them if they would participate. Then try it out.

Cheers!